My week has been progressing along well; my energy levels feel adequate-to-good and I've subsequently been able to get my deep cleaning chores mostly knocked out, as well as my personal routine stuff like exercise and writing.
but boy howdy here comes some hidden text
This is a true thing. People are missing out.
★
.how quick bright things come to confusion.
★
I spontaneously realized I have yet to baptize my new gaming rig with a Skyrim playthrough ("playthrough" in air quotes, I can't remember the last time I got endgame in a Skyrim run), so I'm setting up Nexus Mods and did a check for content related to my favorite Daedric Prince and:
I exist!
I worked many lots of hours last pay period (90+, ew) and spent the weekend relaxing and recovering. Today's my Monday equivalent so I'm back at it again at the Krispy Kreme, although if they ask for overtime again I will tell them it is time to embrace being short-staffed (aka, no). I've been doing okay at my routines and have actually been writing a good bit and even started an art! Subsequently I've discovered my job experience means I'm really insufferable about drawing scars:
just look at that thoracotomy scar and those sharp force injuries 
(the pictured man tiddy is my Lolthsworn, Sevaufein, who I am drawing a reference for)
anyways lemme hop off here to do my chores and exercise and also smooch my pubbydog because she's nice and cozy underneath my desk so I can smell her corn chip paws
tw: I wanna complain about my eating disorder
First off, it's hard for me to just come out and say I have an eating disorder. That sounds like a condition a doctor or headshrinker should've diagnosed me with, and they haven't, because I haven't asked them to. I did disclose to my headshrinker doc that I used to purge (haven't done so in many years, for the record) but it's otherwise not something I've sought professional help for. It's not even something I currently intend to seek professional help for, if only because per BMI I am considered overweight so the VA in particular just won't believe me.
Anyways, I've not been formally diagnosed, but I have a goddamn eating disorder
I won't go over the long sordid history of it, but the primary way it currently manifests is food aversion and I am!
exhausted!
of food aversion!
It's stupid and it's wasteful. I value my meat shell more than I did in the past, so I will always make sure I do eat regardless of how much my brain wants to convince me hunger cramps build character, but for fuck's sake! For instance, today I took a meal to work with me. It was salad greens and tofu in a tasty sauce. It's a good meal, and one I ate the day I made it and enjoyed, and one that I would normally enjoy. It contains nothing odd or unusual. I opened up the container at work and was immediately offput, and even trying to force myself to eat just felt disgusting. I don't have inherent leftovers aversion, and none of the ingredients had gone off, I just spontaneously decided this food was repulsive.
And like that's inconvenient but the part I REALLY struggle with???? is it's not all food! I would almost understand if all food became repulsive, because that makes more sense if there's some kind of switch in my brain flipping, but it's so goddamn inconsistent and like ... fake, I don't know how else to describe it. For instance, because I was obviously still hungry I went to the vending machine and got a snack pack of Cheetos, and I ate those right up. It seems like it's bullshit I can eat "junk food" but not "normal food" or whatever, to say nothing of fighting the social concepts of junk food vs health food/bad food vs good food, and that makes it even harder to reconcile what my brain is doing. CLEARLY I'm just being picky and weird and high maintenance, right????
Tomorrow there is a strong chance I will have to throw away the rest of the tofu in the tasty sauce, because the idea of eating it turns my stomach over. Since that was a big chunk of my meal plan for the week, I may even have to go to the grocery store to grab a few "safe" foods -- and the fact that I have those continues to make me feel like this is all some high maintenance picky white person tantrum, because why is a sandwich okay but rice isn't????? -- in order to make sure I have food to take to work.
I'm just tired, man
anyways I got the stuff to make sandwiches so WHATEVER
also I think this is more or less done for now, I see a few things I want to fiddle with but would not be excessively embarrassed to show it to someone as a reference so they could make better art
..........that sounded really harsh on myself and I didn't quite mean it to, I am happy with how it came out
His eyes are fantastic. In the character, but more in the drawing! Very cool!
★
.how quick bright things come to confusion.
★
ask me OC questionnnns