The Cracked Mug v 2.0

[erikavonkaiser]

having a uterus is so dumb

this post is sponsored by two things:

1) ow cramps ow

2) the absolute fucking clownery that is whatever this standard is

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say you've not actually spoken to people w/ uteruses without saying you've not spoken to people w/ uteruses

I cannot think of a single period-haver I've talked about such things with (and there's a decent sample pool! it comes up a lot when you get the toxic cis men to back the fuck up for a minute) that only loses a few tablespoons of blood; most lose that in one bathroom trip on heavy bleeding days

[erikavonkaiser]

AAAAAAAANYWAYS

Today Baby Dog had a vet appointment (just for shots/general wellness) which went well! I am lucky that she seems to be quite healthy for her age, and hope that trend continues for as long as possible. However, the early morning appointment combined with Obnoxious Household Task (tomorrow is my apartment complex's annual pest prevention, which is actually their thinly-veiled excuse to come inspect my apartment and requires emptying my kitchen drawers/cabinets as well as generally cleaning since my dwellingspace will be Perceived) has derailed my usual routines. I'm sitting for a minute to eat a food and then will have to finish said Obnoxious Household Task and tidy up a bit more before I go to work, since tomorrow morning I'll only have a small window of time before the inspection.

Random observation: I went through a time period during the height of the pandemic where I, along with a lot of other people, got fairly into video essays. At some point I utterly lost my ability to withstand them, though -- I've had a few people recommend the most recent hbomberguy video but the idea of listening to over an hour (almost four hours, in the case of that specific video) of Person Talking feels super oppressive to me now. I'm not sure what changed, with that; I have a bit of the same issue with podcasts, which I admittedly never got suuuuuper into but which I did listen to a little bit more in the past. It's just too much noise for my brain, now, or something? I dunno! I do still have a lot of background YouTubes I like to watch, but they're lifestyle vlogs or sometimes chill streamers (basically only E&K and Gab Smolders, 99% of streamers are also too fucking much for me).

I'm just a little exhausted of the internet making so much noise all the time, or something

[erikavonkaiser]

behold my son

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[erikavonkaiser]

Baby's kidney values came back a little improved from last time, which is good! Kidney disease is one of those things that isn't reversible, but can see some small improvements. So I'm happy about that! She got a good grade in...............pee. Hooray!

Aside from that I've been pretty exhausted this week; once in every ten periods or so I have one that absolutely slugs me, and this is apparently that one. If it were a consistent issue I'd definitely fight the fight of going to a doctor, but thankfully otherwise my cycles are pretty minimally invasive. The time of year isn't helping re: sleepiness, although solstice is soon so I can at least have comfort that the days will get longer again. It feels like we have about four minutes of sunshine and all of it at inconvenient times. In any case, my mood is fine, I just want to be warm and unconscious for longer than is reasonable.

Okay lemme finish getting ready for work, I just have to survive today and tomorrow and then should be clear for a pretty restful and cozy weekend.

[erikavonkaiser]

TikTok in particular has introduced a certain style of video content that is edited to be so fast-paced it gives me anxiety to look at

[erikavonkaiser]

Just out here holding on for dear life while someone taps an olive oil bottle with 8 inch nails then it smash cuts through them cutting a carrot and pan-frying vegetables then straight to an absurdly high definition shot of them messily taking a giant gross bite of whatever they've cooked

If I was going to cook your recipe I certainly won't now that I feel like I need to smoke a cigarette about it

[erikavonkaiser]

dear lord it's almost Christmas already

[erikavonkaiser]

I'm just a little exhausted of the internet making so much noise all the time, or something

As a follow-up some of this is probably my job, now that I've pondered it. I have to talk on the phone and to other agencies a lot, and often in ways that are very technical or require actual investigative brain cells because I am trying to get and decipher complex information in order to make critical decisions. I really like that part of my job, and I think I'm generally very good at it, but it does mean in my off time I want everybody to shut the fuck up

[erikavonkaiser]

I was reading through what all I've posted in here this year and, first off, thanks to @mek for creating a space where I can shout my thoughts in a way that feels inclusive but still private, since the older I've gotten the more passionate I've gotten about not owing strangers on the internet my opinions or presence. That's been a specific choice and change in behavior I've made and it's been positive for me! I've enjoyed tracking my reading without public-facing star ratings or reviews and I've enjoyed working on my art and only showing my friends. I even finally fully deleted Facebook a month or so ago because I decided if a relative wants to reach out they either would've by now or would find another way to do so. I use Twitter to perceive art and video game content, I use Instagram to post pictures of my dog and follow fitness/recipes/etc., and in general I do not feel overly-perceived or pressured to post anything/engage with content I don't want to.

Second off, maybe I'll do a proper goals post, but I think overall a thing I want to work on next year is having a little bit more daily rest time? Right now because my workday is inconveniently placed (3 PM to 11 PM), I feel somewhat pressured to be productive in the mornings before work because it's kind of my only chance. I do play some video games or goof around on the internet first thing in the morning, but often feel guilty and keep an eye on the time to make sure I will still be able to exercise/chores/errands/etc. Usually after work I'm home + Baby Dog taken care of + cleaned up/in pajamas by midnight, but I don't want to stay up too late so I just sit for a bit less than an hour at which point I'll poke at a daily in bungame or disassociate a bit and watch YouTube before going to bed and doing it all over. This has the effect that on weekends I fully hermit up because I want to get in as much video game time and relaxation as I can, and that's not wrong, but I'm craving a bit more balance, I think.

I don't necessarily have a magic solution for this, but it's something I'm going to try and keep in mind. I'd like to finish more video games, too, and not just play longform stuff like survival games and MMO content.

[erikavonkaiser]

speaking of MMO content tho

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