Promiseland

[Fetian]

Today ash and I recorded the final scene of the final episode of Arcadia. I think it's also the last scene to be recorded -- there are still some intros and credits to do but as far as I know that's it for in-character stuff? The end of an era

After that I knocked out the quiz and started working on making flashcards for chapters 5 & 6 vocabulary, and crammed that a little. Did the kanji practice page, then hung out with ash during and after dinner. We watched today's Taskmaster and the Chained Together episode of Game Grumps, and then I went back to my room to finish homework. Did that, then came back out to hang out with ash again for like half an hour and then he went to bed and I am again back in my room!

I have not had time to work on history homework this week, and I think I'm going to drop the class. It's just very hard for me to keep on top of it, which is annoying because I should be able to handle two classes! I'd really like to be able to give myself a little bit longer to see if this week is an anomaly and I'll do better as I get my legs under me a bit better, but the last day to drop classes without repercussions is Sunday, and I'd rather have to wait to take the class again than fuck myself over and end up failing it. I am going to stay in it long enough to look at the materials tomorrow, though.

Gonna do some more vocabulary cram tonight, but also some youtube and video games as per uzh.

[Fetian]

I just want time to do things that aren't classwork, and I've been finding that I do not really have that

[Fetian]

One of the things I probably miss most about Old Internet™ is friends coming online and getting to greet them, or saying goodnight when they leave again. I hate the always-online model that's become the default. I really truly believe that that's a reason people feel more disconnected, now, because we're missing the social pattern of seeing someone come home and saying hi, how are you, what did you do today. I miss setting up a buddy alert for when someone came online so I could run over and give them a digital hug

Now I've got your little icon that says you're here, but are you? Or is it the empty shell you left behind while you went to take a shower, or take a walk, or take a nap?

[Fetian]

I miss connecting to a chatroom and having the entire group go HI!!!! IT'S YOU!!!!

[Fetian]

Or, you know, 'Oh hi fucker what's up', whatever fits

[Fetian]

It feels a lot like there's no room to talk anymore unless you've got something to say, which is partly on me and my Disorders but also, like, I don't think it's just me. I think the always-online model is great for some people but for a bunch of us it sucks.

[Fetian]

'I want to talk to you but I don't have a Reason, so I guess I'll sit here in silence and quietly drift away'

[Fetian]

'You could just say 'hi, how have you been?', you don't need An Event to do that'

You know, I try that but part of why I think this isn't just a Me Problem is that for years now I've noticed that people don't really reciprocate that anymore? I ask 'How have you been?' and people will answer and then go quiet again, because they don't have anything to say to me. I almost never get a 'anyway, how are you?' in return. People who don't read this thread don't have any idea what's going on with me, I think, because they never ask. And I've done the, just giving that information unprompted after they've responded to my 'how are you' but then they just go quiet anyway, which isn't a great feeling so I don't bother anymore

There's a lot of stuff wrapped up in all of this but my main point here is that the internet sucks in more ways than the current LLM crisis, and it makes us suck a little too

[Fetian]

If you never leave, I can never welcome you back

[Fetian]

Okay, I have dropped the history class, or at least I attempted to. It's an 8 week course so it might be a good fit for me over summer if it's offered then, but right now I want to have time and energy to write and such

Last night ash and I finished RE2! We then read the plot summary on wikipedia and gathered that beating one of the routes really is just beating half the game, so we're taking a break from it to play 999 and then we'll go back and do Claire

Apparently when we last played 999, we left off like right before the end of one of the routes, so tonight we finished that off and then on Tuesday we'll be able to do the True Ending! This is very exciting because this being a Spike Chunsoft game, the ending is frankly kind of bonkers. I also fired up the sequel earlier and started playing that again

We finished setting up ash's new keyboard together -- I gather it needs a couple of different keycaps but otherwise is completely finished and looks very neat. I'm glad we were able to get the case working, and hopefully it continues to do so because the case is now glued shut. But we took what precautions we could, and I'm sure getting the case apart is possible without completely breaking things, so. Fingers crossed, touch wood.

Tomorrow the plan is largely to actually get room cleared to move the dresser -- I was just talking about it with ash earlier, and the problem is that with how little space I have in here that I really do need to do the whole move at once or I'll end up with piles of stuff everywhere, preventing me from getting around my room. Which means I need the time and energy to do it all, which I haven't for a bit here. But tomorrow I will try

Speaking of energy, last night I had enough energy to do my PT exercises for the first time in way too long, so I of course jumped at that and hopefully will be able to keep at it for long enough to reverse and prevent some of this physical falling-apart-ness that I've been dealing with. Exciting times

For tonight I will continue cramming vocabulary and play some more video games, and try to continue going to bed at a decent hour. 4 AM last night! Not terrible!