Promiseland

[Fetian]

[Fetian]

I love her and want to do everything and anything required to keep her healthy and happy, and it weighs very heavily on me that being poor means there's a very real possibility that some day she'll need some treatment that is possible to give her, that I simply won't be able to afford

[knightofcups]

The only treatment that the vet proposed that you /didn't/ do was hospitalization.

You did absolutely everything that was advised, plus found things to do on your own. The vet and vet tech both even said so. You did so, so good. Truly.

[Fetian]

Yeah. Hospitalization, blood transfusion. Maybe it wouldn't have helped, maybe it would have, but it sucks a lot for the ability to save a dying animal to be locked behind a paywall

[Fetian]

I went through about six years of photographs and picked out a couple of her to get printed, then went and picked those up at CVS. I wanted to get an easy lunch while I was there but jesus everything has gotten so expensive. I did get a multipack of ramen, at least that's still cheap.

This weekend, Lee and I are going to pick out some frames for the pictures. I had a little table with a cat bed tucked under it next to my bed, and I'm leaving those there and putting the pictures on it, along with her remains when I have those. She can be next to me in whatever capacity she can.

I also want to commission a stuffed animal of her, but that will be hard because she's a calico and I'm going to be very picky about her markings. I want there to be a little pocket to put her remains in, so I can still hold her sometimes.

I miss her.

[Fetian]

She had such beautiful eyes, I've never seen ones like them on another cat before or since. They were gold in the middle and blue on the edges, so as her eyes constricted or dilated they would transition between those, though green.

[Fetian]

What the fuck am I supposed to do without her

[Sorcyress]

I am so so sorry. This sucks so bad.

[Fetian]

I truly think she just didn't have enough nutrients to combat the anemia. I should have tried harder to get the vitamins into her, but I thought I had more time. Literally it was 'I'll try again tomorrow'

I went to bed early that night. I spent time in the living room that evening even though I wanted to spend time with her in my room. I thought I had more time. I couldn't have known I'd wake up to her dying at 5 AM.

I'm so sorry, baby girl. I tried so hard and it just wasn't enough.

[Fetian]

The reality is that I don't know and can't know what was wrong. She was too sick to try to find out. At the last vet appointment we couldn't draw any blood for blood tests because she was so anemic. 'She's only been on the varenzin for a week' 'Let's see her in two more weeks and see what we can do'

She didn't make it two more weeks.

But she got a vitamin B shot that day and I think it helped. I ordered a vitamin B complex for her when it seemed to be wearing off. It arrived the next evening and I tried giving it to her mixed with some water, thinking she'd just eaten a little and still had food in her stomach. Half an hour later she threw it up, all liquid, and I hoped she'd absorbed enough of it to help until the next morning when I could give it to her again with food.

She didn't make it to the next morning.

She wasn't eating. Even the lunch meat was making her nauseated at that point. She'd licked the liquid off of some fancy feast food but wouldn't really eat any of the actual food. She ate some of the chicken breast and thigh I prepared for her. She ate some freeze-dried low-phosphate chicken I'd gotten her. But not enough.

She was dragging her tail when she went back into the bedroom that evening. I feel terrible now having made her walk. 'Tomorrow we'll try harder.'

I thought we had more time.