Theoretically today is the day all my HR reading and signing is due. That's cool. It's great that the school system as a whole has given me any time to work on that since the beginning of the year (this is sarcasm, if not obvious).
I also need to probably do like, other stuff? My brain is less foggy than yesterday but the kids were A Lot and I'm going into the school day cranky, I suspect. Sigh.
Oh jeeze.
Last week was bad it turns out, since my co-teacher was out the whole week. We're scrambling to get things reset this week.
I did some room cleaning last night which was extremely needed. Knit a few rows on my scarf --I can't imagine it's been more recent than 2010 since the last time I touched it, but apparently I do still remember the absolute basic knit-stitch. Not exactly sure what I'm going to do next with it.
Decided I'm going to do 42 rows on my scarf, since it's What 17!Me Would Want, then learn how to cast off. Not sure what happens after that, although maybe I learn how to make little squares or other experiments with the rest of the shitty yarn?
I objectively accomplished a lot this weekend, especially yesterday, but since it was nowhere near Enough in whatever terms my brain is hoping for, I still feel bad, in much the same way as I would if I'd fucked around and played video games all weekend? This is bullshit.
Going to walk to work so I can bring a cartload of stuff, which means I need to get going quickquick
Did eight very active hours of work yesterday and then slammed into a mental wall, which is conceptually fine and I very much agree with, but boy, I am about to unload the dishwasher and head over because I definitely have to get prep and copies done before the kids arrive. Sigh.
I can't tell if I'm burning out harder/faster or if this year is just genuinely harder/more than some other ones have been.
You have had some stressful things happen this year that hadn't in previous years. I think it makes sense for you to be running on a little less juice
I hope the rest of the year can chill a little for you (and for us all, honestly)
I have not properly slept, but I have done, uh...a very small amount of the packing I need for this weekend? Sigh.
Need to finish that, and do normal morning things, and go to work, and then get in a car and sleep the entire drive to the wedding I think? I hope that is not The Rudest to the people giving me a ride :/
On the plus side, wedding will have many good friends, and I'm excited for it.
I mostly didn't sleep the entire ride to wedding (although I did have an actually satisfying 20 minute nap. This was wild, who ever wakes up from a nap and feels better rested?)
The wedding was really lovely and there were a lot of people I really loved there.
Woke up and felt vaguely good, which is a terrible sign for only 4.5 hours sleep. I would like to not have crisis mode make me feel better. I would like to actually sleep enough regularly. Also I have so many grading to do still, but at least I'm through the worst of it.
Grades due tomorrow early. Brain can maybe relax a little after that, since at that point anything ungraded is just gone.
Feeling frustrated and anxious and bad at everything. Need to stop feeling shamey and then maybe I can talk about it and figure out how to do better? Therapy's on Tuesday, that feels like a good deadline.
I do wish I didn't feel like I was bad at everything though.
(this is not actually looking for reassurance or "oh Sor, you're so good at ___". I know there's stuff I'm actually quite good at, and I know there's stuff that I'm not particularly good at but somehow the vast majority of everyone is worse. I'm just up in my feels and it sucks and it'll pass eventually but maybe I should start looking into vitamin D or sunlamps or whatever again.)
