Promiseland

[Fetian]

And re: writing that makes sense! I felt awkward and clumsy coming back to writing after I spent so many years Not, and like I had to lean into being goofy or over-the-top to disguise how ineffective and childish my attempts to tell a story were. I hope you can learn to use your hands again! I miss your stories, although definitely respect the space needed to not tell them if you're not ready, not able, or not interested. I wish creativity existed in a vacuum easier, but it's very hard (for me, anyways) to make something just for the sake of making it. I want to show it to people and I want them to put it on their mind refrigerator, and it hurts when you're craving that and just can't get it.

Yeah, there was also a period someodd years ago where I tried to come back to writing after focusing on editing Red All Over for, months at least, possibly an entire year. But I hadn't been writing in that time, even though I was honing some writing skills through the editing process, so it was awful trying to get back into it. I could see everything wrong with what I was trying to write but I couldn't do anything about it.

That one took a long time to come back from, too, but it was a useful experience because I do know now that if I try to come back from something like that, it is possible.

[Fetian]

Gonna be another low-key day so I can give myself room for tomorrow to be productive. I keep one-more-episode-ing before bed, and then I haven't gotten enough sleep when the cat wakes me up, so I'm hoping tonight to go to bed at a time that will allow me enough sleep. It'll be good to get into a rhythm of going to bed in time to wake up for torah study, anyway.

I intended to shoot off an email with my question about last week's reading but I couldn't find a way of doing that that I was comfortable with, out-of-the-blue. Might ask who it's best to direct questions to, or maybe send an email at their office about it. I don't know what I'll be most comfortable with.

I also might just keep learning quietly for now, until I know more about what I don't know.

Might jump in the pool in a bit, get some exercise done. I think getting some sun will be good for me, too, give my brain a chance to really wake up.

[Fetian]

I did not, in fact, get in the pool. I don't really remember what I did today, except that I tried showing Oz a cat TV video and for the first time ever she was interested in it. It was very cute. I also did a bit of cleanup and updating on my to-buy/wishlist list. And made the garden-pictures-thread.

After dinner, Lee played some Slime Rancher and I watched, which was fun and made me want to play it myself, but I don't really have any interest in actually playing it. I've seen everything and done everything in the game, and it doesn't really have post-game content to speak of.

I should bring the PS4 back in here and play some more No Man's Sky.

Right now though I'm going to eat more dinner and watch a couple Twin Peaks, and then I'll go to sleep.

[Fetian]

So like,

How intentional is it that Harry and Cooper are definitely flirting with each other

[Fetian]

I think I'm low in some nutrient or another, so I'm going to start taking a daily vitamin again. Just really low energy lately.

Finished off Twin Peaks season one last night and started on season two. I don't remember how far I've gotten in other attempts to watch the series, but I haven't caught up with myself yet. The pacing is still really rough on me and there's definitely things I've missed, but there's enough intrigue to make me want to keep going. This is going to sound bizarre given the stuff that happens in the show, but I'd like for the supernatural stuff to be just a little more overt. Maybe I'll get my wish soon.

PT today, so need to be ready to go at three to get to it. It'll be good to get out of the house, this week has been a bit rough on me and I feel like I've spent pretty much all of it in bed. Hopefully I don't have another pain flare on my way over.

[Fetian]

Ugh, ready to go fifteen minutes early, and I don't want to get there at 3:30 so now I gotta just wait around until it's time to go.

[Fetian]

Off a train, on a bus

I am so grateful for our public transit

[Fetian]

Watched some Dogen videos on the bus.

As I was getting off, I saw someone had left a dollar or two on their seat, so I grabbed it, then at the intersection I had to cross to get to PT I saw a probably-homeless woman and gave it to her

There's a little courtyard here that I like to sit in until it's time for my appointment. Sometimes there are chairs in the shade, sometimes they've been moved into the sun, so sometimes I sit in a chair and sometimes I sit on the ground. There used to be umbrellas for the benches but they disappeared about the time I started coming here.

It's nice, though.

[Fetian]

Just a little bit spiky today

[Fetian]

It was too hot to sleep last night, though I eventually did, so today is going to be a day for a nap. It is a bummer that if I miss the study meeting, I have to wait an entire week for the next one.