The Kingdom of Thorns

[knightofcups]

My brain is upset and has been trying to be more upset all night and I don’t know why.

Lots of apologizing that intellectually I knew weren’t needed.

Also have headache. Have pinpointed that that just straight milk to drink or in cereal etc is a migraine trigger.

Not sure what’s up with the brain though. Ah well. The Monarch tolerated me anyway.

[knightofcups]

Yeah, brain feels very very strange and I do not like it at all. Anxious and tense and nervous and worried. A lot.

[knightofcups]

Brain’s doing the thing. Don’t have words die really. The… anxiety but slightly ok, slightly nice, too comfortable, too familiar…

I do wish I could make there be words for it.

Making self go to sleep, staying awake is making it weirder.

[knightofcups]

Today was very nice, even if I crashed a bit.

Brain is still doing strange things, but less unpleasant today.

Now I will sleep.

[knightofcups]

Pretty sure change of season is one of the things hitting my brain. LOTS of stuff going on sensory/mind wise. Trying to remember this to talk to therapist about tomorrow.

Weather is also hitting my hands and they hurt a lot. Warm gloves when I get home, I think, for a while.

[knightofcups]

Talking about mood/sensations/feelings stuff the sense memories that are probably cPTSD flashbacks or disassociation or something I don't even know.

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[knightofcups]

I really wish I could find words for all this stuff. It's so frustrating to me, but there just... it's like the words just /aren't/. there just aren't words. i hate it. it feels like i'm fishing around in this black empty place and there aren't any words. it's not like my brain slips off it, they just aren't /there./

it's hard. because there's a thing, and i can almost always make or find words but there just aren't any and i don't know why or how to make there be them.

[Fetian]

Trauma-based conlang

[knightofcups]

I honestly would consider it, but there isn’t even /space/ for words, I’d that makes any sense.

[knightofcups]

It frustrating.